Come Clean

The first draft of my book is complete, and the new title is Stories of Turtle Boy: The Soldier Who Wouldn't Die: World War I's Untold Heroes. I'm into the revision phrase now, and I'm making the process as literal as I can (which is appropriate, seeing as how it's a book and all). I'm transforming the words into visions such as butterflies and unicorns, then translating that result back into words, and then re-visioning those words back into pictures. It's a complex series, but in the end I'll have created the greatest pop-up book ever.

Once I have a publishing date, I'll hire a tech fiend to put a counter here which I'll call The Countdown to the Day Harry Invites Frankie Muniz to His Publishing Party and Becomes Best Friends with Him and Rides in his Car from The Fast and the Furious.

Don't worry, I'll make sure you all can ask to come along for a ride. That way, me and Frankie can respond in unison: "Sorry, Boyzzz. Ain't 'Nuff Nitro!" And then we'll zoom off.

Speaking of teen heartthrobs, Conan O'Brien was full of them tonight, figuratively. 21-year old Mandy Moore and 24-year old Alexis Bledel talked about what it was like to be a teenager in the spotlight. This tangentially got me to thinking: What are the two best coming-of-age stories in the history of teenkind? The answers came to me immediately. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and The Lion King.

Not only does Huck Finn's story fulfill the Twain quota I've established at my blog, but it also legitimately questions the role of society in the development of moral conscience. The book has been frequently banned, as well, which is always a plus. I plan to get my novel banned by at least one school district. Doing so is harder today than it used to be (especially since incredibly controversial topics like magical boy wizards have already been used), but I think I've found a niche. The "About the Author" section is going to feature my signature inscribed in dried breast milk. That's not just controversial. It's nutritious, too.

For those still reading, The Lion King represents all that was once good with movies - Animals. Songs. Africa. Hot Nala. Nowadays the younger audience is encouraged to watch the remake of Yours, Mine, and Ours. Okay, I do crack up every time I see the commercial where 1 of the 18 kids in the movie ask "Where's my cell phone?" and the camera cuts to a grunting pig; however, when I crack up like that, it's only because I'm trying to fit into normal America. I feel out-of-touch when I'm not loving Meet the Fockers. I feel dirty when I'm not watching the TV Guide channel's American Idol preview show (American Idol purposely refused italics).

These are the treasures our culture has chosen, and who am I to say society's wrong? I'm not Huck Finn.