Dude, remember when I wouldn't even have to write anything else now, cuz we would just watch MTV's Celebrity DeathMatch tell the story. That show was suhweeeet. And then we'd go hang out with the boys in our horizontally-striped shirts and down a few Beasts. Ohhh man, and Tony would totally do his collection of Chapelle's Show imitations. F, that was funny!
What..? I'm sorry I don't know what just came over me. Moving on,
Stewart and McKellen are already planting seeds of battle throughout the international media. McKellen was on Real Time with Bill Maher last night trumpeting the virtues of walking over driving in modern transportation. Is it a coincidence that Stewart's Professor X is confined to a wheelchair? I think not. One mutant point for McKellen.
Then I headed over to The Independent, to find a rebuttal of sorts by Stewart. He mentions his multiple marriages and the disappointment over not being a better father. Wow. McKellen, being a disenfranchised homosexual, cannot be happy with all this family talk. Two mutant points for Stewart.
But dude, who cares if McKellen feels bad about bein' a bender? It's his own fault for not reading the Bible. I roll out of bed every Sunday morning, no matter how many beer bongs I conquered or hoes I stuck it in, cuz I know I gots to be at church to pay tribute to God.
I'm really sorry. Please ignore these outbursts. Anyway,
A new retort by McKellen soon surfaced back over at The Guardian. Therein he mentions being suspicious of marriage ("I can just sniff a divorce in the air"), attempting to discount any damage Stewart might have done. A good defense, I agree, which McKellen also manages to seamlessly transform into good offense; he goes on to state "Utopias must be dull places," and this is a major victory. Stewart puts everything he has into making the X-Mansion as utopic as possible, and McKellen just outright proclaims the project to be boring.
In comparison, imagine if you called a television show's office and told them that their product was boring. Imagine:
1 - Hello, I'd liked to tell you that King of Queens is boring and cliched.
2 - How dare you! Don't even try to start something in the bedroom tonight. (Laugh track)
1 - What? I'm not a character in your show. I'm trying to tell you your show sucks.
2 - Please. There definitely won't be any sucking in the bedroom, any night. (Laugh track)
Dude, can you imagine being the King, though? His wife on that show is totally banging. And I love when Ben Stiller's dad comes on, cuz it reminds me that Stiller's dad in Meet the Fockers was De Niro, and that guy is a movie god.
Curses! It won't reverse. I'm turning into a mutant whose special power is emphathizing with frat boys. I've tried to hold it back, but no. Puberty has finally overcome me. Let me say one more thing, before I'm lost to this transformation...
McKellen and Stewart can still reconcile. They're both socialists of sorts who worry about the environment. If only they'd realize the benefits humanity could reap if their political ideas combined and prospered. If only they'd realize that deep down they do not have to fight. They are still the same. They are still humans. All mutants are...
'Sup bra! Remember that mutant who could change shapes? I'd bone her right up the...
END
3 comments:
Please...the desire to bang with Mystique is a universal truths. You just described what everyone, not just frat boys, think.
whoa that entry was totally like fight club or the sixth sense with a wicked awesome twist ending. but i totally predicted it. i am awesome.
seriously though, i didn't predict it. and it was totally awesome.
Those aren't Legos, but what the fuck are they?
Any why is Professor X wearing his Cerebra helmet outside of Cerebra? Yeah, like THAT makes sense.
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