Suspenseful Suspense

Flattered by comments from Chris which compared my last post to Fight Club, I've allowed my head to balloon to the size of a Hollywood writer. I mean, it was already there, but now that balloon has littler balloons coming out the side, like mouse ears. I'm about to buy the rights to balloons like that, by the way. The government said I could have the patent once I take out some guy named Walt and his movie/themepark company. Right, I'm sarcastically sure some nerd named Walt is a powerhouse in those industries. I'll be on the lookout for him next time I rollercoaster through a theater playing The Accountant's Lunchbreak. I just hope I don't miss the bit where he orders the tuna.

And now, onto my big-headed script. A warning: This is a psychological thriller.

The ending will surprise you...

Open on a bedroom littered with soda cans. Camera finds Harry resting in his bed, hair and makeup perfectly done. He's obviously dreaming of sweet things like world peace, imagining that wonderful day when all can live together without the scheming of the Jews. He awakes from his sleep to a butterfly landing on his nose.

Harry: Hello Mr. Butterfly. When did you wake up?

Mr. Butterfly: Fluttery fluttery floo!

Harry (laughing): You're hilarious, Mr. Butterfly. I'm glad we've become such good friends in our fight against Zionism.

Mr. Butterfly heads back out the window, but as he does a shot rings true. Mr. Butterfly plummets to the ground in a lump of death. The camera circles around the room, catching the utter chaos of the moment, until finally zooming in on Harry's desperate and disparate scowl...

Harry: I must learn who did this!

Harry hurries through his morning routine, brushing only half his still sparkly teeth, and rushes to head office to confront the commander.

Harry: Commander! Somebody shot...

Commander: I know. It was me.

Harry: What? How could you? He was one of our greatest espionage-ateers.

Commander: So he was. Unfortunately, he was also one of Jerusalem's.

Cut to the face of every officer in the room, revealing their shock at this revelation. Stay an extra beat on Lieutenant Rogers, as if he knows something...

Harry: I don't believe it.

Commander: It's true, and there's more. Lieutenant Rogers knows something.

Harry: What does he know?

Commander: He knows that you might be a spy as well, by means of association.

Again cut to the face of every officer in the room, this time staying extra long on the satisfied grin of Lietuenant Rogers.

Harry: But I'm not! I swear!

Commander: There's only one way to prove that...

All characters process down a dimly lit hallway to the doctor's office. Once there, Harry maneuvers behind a curtain which covers only the lower half of his body. The doctor orders him to drop his pants, and so he does. The tension is palpable, as only the doctor can see what's going on behind the curtain.

Commander: What's going on Doctor? Is he a Hebrew spy?

Doctor: The ending will surprise you...

"And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee."