To Push Down the "Man"

Look! There are two posts here! This one mostly created to hide the picture of Sean Hannity I included previously during a forest-mushroom induced hallucimagination.

As all who've touched me in the last week know, I am now anatomically connected to my Nintendo DS Lite. When you touch my finger, I move one step closer to winning the girl in the silhouetted dating game Feel the Magic. When you touch my hair, I picto-chat via wifi with all other DS owners in the vicinity. The conversation usually goes, Me: (Draws a smiley face.) Others: F off old man.

Women's faces only display their menopausal scorn.

Well now I'm just an older man, kids. Nintendo gave President Bush a DS Lite complete with Brain Age for his 60th birthday. That means two things. One, I have to work even harder on the "Head Count" mini-game, in which I'm supposed to keep track of how many people enter and leave a house; I can no longer be sure which figures are people and which are "enemy combatants." Two, I now have to buy the DS version of Animal Crossing so that I can sneak into Bush's fantasy village and chop down all his trees in the night. You cut down real trees, Mr. President, I cut down your pixellated ones. No blood for oil, no I won't trade you my zigzag shirt for your cabin-style wallpaper.

Moving on to another friend of the president, one Emmy category pits Stephen Colbert against, among others, Barry Manilow. Is the Academy trying to feed Mr. Colbert jokes, or is this the first we're seeing of what I dub the "Dakota Effect"? (Dakota Fanning can vote for Oscars) She's the most discerning 12-year old I've ever seen (I heard she won't eat chocolate-based ice cream!), and I know she wouldn't have just let this nomination absurdity slide by without some purpose. What do you want, Dakota?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?!?!

(Scene. Vote for me.)

The unabashed joy of someone who still respects the Oscars.