Fool Me Forty-Once

I went to Bath this weekend. Ironically, I took a shower whilst I was there! Also, the mayor presented me with an award for being the first person ever to make that joke.

This is the only picture I took of Bath.

I'm supposed to be organizing a presentation on why the voluntary sector is a "soft system." I don't know what that means, so I'm not. I have written two lines, though, the first one introducing myself as a doctor and the second comparing soft systems to soft cookies. I think that from there I can pretty well segue into chocolate chip and toffee flavored cookies, fooling the class into forgetting everything they've ever learned about what education is supposed to be.

Ahh, but of course a fool of such magnitude requires a grand finale the likes of which has rarely been seen. For instance, the moon landing fooled the world into thinking the US was powerful only because Neil Armstrong hit a golf ball. The event would have been meaningless without that final pizang promising country club prospects. Similarly, God fooled the poly-gods into thinking that they were all one entity through Him by pitching a perfect game with his hat on backwards. In fact, how the hat was worn made no difference to the outcome; nevertheless, the effect provided the perfect punch needed to end animism.

Which is where I come in. I am going to fool my class by blowing their minds open with an entire new religion. On top of that, this new religion won't even be a religion. On top of that, I will present this neo-non-religion through the graphical prowess of PowerPoint! Here are a couple of slides:


This first slide suggests very strongly that our professor is a dragon. It does so using a difficult-to-read word art I chose to use because it rocks, America-style. This slide is meant to serve the dual purpose of appeasing the teacher while at the same time pulling the class away from him. My plan: The teacher gets drunk on his imaginary new dragon power, and, as he's distracted by his ambitious musings, I alert the students that they should follow me before he becomes too tyrannical.


This second slide basically serves the same purpose as the first. I talk about the prerequisites necessary for dragon-based power, those being Fire and the Lack of Water. The professor's eyes grow even wider as he sees the Fire advantage in each of the regions measured in the graph. I meanwhile move the class to the Southern side of the room, a region I conveniently left off the chart, where Water actually has a huge advantage.


The Grand Finale. I fill the background with an endangered tiger, symbolizing the struggle for survival my class has erupted into. Using the wingdings font I'm required to use in all presentations, I write "Power" at the bottom of the slide. The battle begins. My professor hurls himself at the nearest student, who unfortunately must die as a martyr. The rest of the students then fight back, charging and tearing at the professor with bloodlust.

"Stop!" I yell. Nothing. There is too much violent noise. "STOP" I scream again. This time my voice echoes against the walls of the elephant graveyard and everything. The masses cease and gaze at me. "This is all my doing, and I cannot let it go on any longer. Don't you see what I've done? I've fooled you into listening to me, into looking at my slides, into doing as I thought you would do. Now one of us is dead, and it's all because I didn't want to read articles about soft systems. Please, return to your normal lives. This hasn't made any sense, and it never will. I've used you as pawns of procrastination for my own entertainment. I accept your disapproval with complete understanding. I let my imagination run away with me. Go, and if you have the heart to do so, forget that you ever saw this."