My brain is just regaining form, after smoldering for months in baseball's hot stove. This blog, for instance, currently has a 6.87 ERA, giving up 2.12 WHIP. That's not good, even this early in the season. It's also not statistically feasible after only 1 start, which just goes to show what a little imagination can do.
Are you confused about the sports analogies I'm making? Am I leaving you feeling awkward and bloated? I might have solutions for you then, although I guess I'm technically the problem. Ignore "that" for now.
Solution 1: Start watching baseball instead of cricket. Cricket matches have tea breaks, and though I do now like mint tea, this doesn't override the scientific fact that cricket is boring. Sorry, that's how science works.
Solution 2: Start watching baseball because it's fun in its own right. Tell me what's not fun about this idea: A bunch of men of varying weights stick their hands in glove-molded dead parts of cows and then throw around sphere-molded other dead parts of cows and sometimes hit the latter with wood. Vegetarian-wise the idea doesn't sound great, nor does it even hold up poultritarian-wise, but I'll make you/me feel better by saying that cows love baseball, too.
Solution 3: Start watching baseball because you have nothing better to do. Jobs and school are simply distractions from recreation. Sure, I'll waste $20,000 if I keep watching baseball instead of writing essays, but money doesn't buy happiness. I can't even make a profit anyway, unless you count diplomas as profit, which is stupid. Besides, it's not my money. It's my parents. Suckers.
Solution 4: Don't eat so much cheese. This references the dumb "bloated" remark I made above. According to WebMD, cheese, as well as wheat products, can exacerbate irritable bowel syndrome. Interestingly, wheat bran is listed as a remedy. I don't follow that logic, nor do I know why I've admitted to being on WebMD's irritable bowel syndrome page. Next I'll be talking about how itchy my nipples are, or how they're only batting .185 through 3 games...
Solution 5: Read Crime and Punishment. This has nothing to do with anything, but I read it last week and it's actually okay. Some good philosophy, without as much of the boring family politics found in Tolstoy's War and Peace. Do I sound pretentious yet? You would say that, plebian.
Solution 6: Stop ignoring "that." Cut out the problem, "that" being me and my baseball analogies. Or just replace me with a viable alternative:
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