Car, Boy for Sale

In buying a plane ticket, I have sealed the fate of my car. He will be sold. His name was Leon the Neon. He was named after my hero from the classic Disney film Midnight Madness. He was alright to me. But he made me want to have a horse instead.

Oh, and that reminds me of three items of animal news:

1.) It is now the law that Roman citizens must walk their dogs every day. It's a good law, and it will make those "Proud Owner of a Spoiled Rotten Dog" shirts that grandmas wear both more relevant and more sexy (trust me), but still I worry. Dogs will now view one of our most ancient civilizations on a daily basis, inevitably absorbing some of the same atmosphere that floats around the Colosseum, Pantheon, etc. Evolution, being as it is, will somehow transform the particles of this atmosphere into knowledge, and the dogs will begin to want what we want. Society. And they'll get what they want, because the new walking law also increases the possibility that one dog with diabolical schemes will run across another dog with diabolical schemes. They'll pass each other "canine microfilm" through the traditional nose-to-butt sniff (a genius cover-up for any exchange of information), and boom. Dogs move up. Humans move down. Tapeworms move up. Sitcoms move down.

Dammit Rome! You've planted for our greatest friends the Tree of Knowledge. You've corrupted them with the potential to learn good and evil. You've made a humanitarian decision for dogs, and in doing so, have made them superhuman.



2.) A cat from Appleton, Wisconsin, got lost for a few weeks. For fun, guess where it ended up. (Or don't, if you want to spoil the game.)

Answer: France!

If you were guessing and got it right, good job at either reading the news or being a great guesser. If you were guessing and got it wrong, sorry about that, but it was fun, eh? And if you didn't guess, you really aren't any fun at all. I give you this one chance to have fun before we become slaves to the dogs and you pass it up? What's wrong with you? You really are a bad person.

Oh god. A cat, in Europe, at the same time Italy is granting rights to dogs.

This is a two-front war.

3.) I feel like there's baby spiders or something crawling on me. I don't know but it feels weird.