Terror and Sex

The title of this post lists two concepts that I think are thrown around willy-nilly by society.

Terror (willily thrown about): In hour 2 of my internet search for buzz on the movie Saw II, I came upon the MPAA reasoning for this sure-to-be-Oscar-nominated film's R rating: "For grisly violence and gore, terror, language and drug content." The first, third, and fourth items of this list are to be expected, whether I agree with them or not. The second, however, is a new one to me, movie-wise. (And I'm not counting gore as the second one, because the MPAA groups that with grisly violence. I, personally, would say that there is a discernable line between gore and grisly violence. I mean, grisly violence and grizzly violence would be two completely different things, and those even sound the exact same, but if the MPAA doesn't care, then why should the bears). Anyway, TERROR is what I'm talking about.

TERROR

How exactly can a horror movie be deemed inappropriate for children because of terror when so much unrated, terror-ful material is being dished out to them in other locales. A list of 3 (because lists of 3 are standard for anything, especially comedy if the last item is hilarious!):

1. News: Scientists say bird flu might morph and kill a third of human population. Oh, we don't know when or if it's going to happen, or if one of a million other diseases will emerge first. Oh, and most of the futurely dead people we're talking about are those poor ones in boring continents like Asia. But terror feeds the ratings, so Fox 6 feeds it to you. (This is to be read in the voice of an ignorant newsman. I don't find poor Asians boring. In fact, me and poor Asians went to an art museum last weekend. Egon Schiele really was a genius!)

2. Religion: Most religions are based at least in part on the fear of eternal damnation. Buddhists, you kinda escape this because there is no eternity for you if you win, but if you lose then you're damned to be a pig or a horse or something. By the way, pigs are actually smarter than horses.

3. Teletubbies. Those things are scary! (Hilarious, right? My Guide to Hilarious Column Writing tells me Teletubbies are a guaranteed laugh.)

So if the MPAA wants to give a movie an R rating for terror, then I want the world to give the news, religion, and (tee hee) Teletubbies an R rating as well.

Sex (nillily thrown about, and sometimes willily; willingly thrown about by the office slut):

Apparently the Minnesota Vikings are being criticized because a bunch of their players had a sex party on a boat. Sigh. Again humans are shocked by their animalistic instincts. And to think, such base actions emerging from football players of all people! Men who have been told their whole life to concentrate on a game instead of real society, have been given free rides to school so that they could have nerds do their homework for them, and have basically been awarded celebrity status for not thinking.

Well here they are giving you a sex scandal. Finally delivering what celebrities are meant to deliver. And now you shun them? For shame, people who look down on the sex cruise. For shame. First admit that this whole story is an excuse to fire the coach of a bad team (always a problem solver) and then admit that if you were a beefy footballer you would be going on hot, superhot sexcapades as well.

I know I would, but I work at night. Isn't that when sexcapades happen?