For Those Wondering

For those wondering about my book progress, I just finished typing word 22,516. Ironically, that is the same number of people that die in the second chapter's battle, a chapter entitled "To the Moon in Search of Bloodshed."

For those wondering about Jigsaw's blog, he tells me he's frequently too worn out to type, due to a triad of reasons. 1. He consistently refreshes his own blog, hoping to see that another film-portrayed killer has submitted an entry in response to his latest post. The disappointment tires him. 2. He kills lots of people. 3. He has recently begun to attend yoga classes. And because of this last development, I rescind any derogatory remarks I've made concerning yoga. It is a grand spiritual tradition, truly capable of changing one's disposition and mentality. And I don't want to die.

For those wondering whether or not I'm transforming this blog into a travel site, considering I've recently featured both the Arctic outpost of Longyearbyen and the towering peaks of Brookfield, the answer is "unconsciously, but yes." Two more exotic regions have brought me here today in fact, and those are Rigi-Kulm and Europa.

Rigi-Kulm


I am determined to write about this Swiss Alp getaway, although the raccoon on my porch and the spider on my bed just attempted to stop me. I was alerted to this beautiful mountainscape by one of my best friends, Mark Twain, in his still hilarious book A Tramp Abroad. As per the title, it refers to his "tramp around Europe," though it is also intended as a double-entendre. I like to think of the title, however, in terms of the following anecdote:

About a week ago, my family dropped my sister off at a bus stop in Kenosha to go back to Ohio after her weekend vacation (with neither location deserving of a blog post... yet). I took out this book to read on the drive back, to which my father queried, "What book are you reading?" I replied, "A Tramp Abroad." My father, not actually listening as usual, then started a new topic, "Do you already miss your sister?" I immediately jumped on this opportunity to accuse my father of calling my sister a tramp, talked about it the whole way home, and e-mailed my sister ASAP. Needless to say, the fallout was fun to watch and I've been kicked out of the family.

What's that? You were too distracted by me calling Mark Twain my friend to actually pay attention during that story? Fine. Here's proof:

Me, Mark, Pauly Shore's grandfather

Another reason I like Rigi-Klum: When I visited its hotel's website, I found that instead of saying "menu" they say "gastronomy."

Europa


So apparently this moon of Jupiter is covered by a salt-water ocean. I already live in constant fear that the oceans on Earth will surprise us with some crazy deep sea creature, and now I have to worry about a whole planet of ocean? This is NOT a place I want to visit. I simply wanted to alert all of you that any donations to the "Saves the Dan!" campaign will now be matched and put towards my new "Nuke Europa!" campaign. The title for this latter campaign isn't as catchy as the former, but I just needed to make sure it wasn't confusing at all. I don't want to put any location other than this moon of Jupiter at risk, so I made sure the campaign title doesn't include a word that sounds like either of Earth's two continents, North America or South America.

For those wondering, I'm now returning to my fight against raccoons and spiders.