'Field

Because our kangaroo disaster movie unexpectedly stalled out, my creative partners and I are producing a Laguna Beach/Hillz type show in the L.A. of the Midwest - Brookfield, Wisconsin. We haven't exactly cast parts yet, but I want my character (sic "real person") to be named Brady. Not only is the name supercool, but it will serve a fine memorial to late Orioles outfielder Brady Anderson. May Thor grant him everlasting peace in the form of lightning.

The greatest dead ballplayer alive.

As usual, I'm here to give you media freaks a sneak peek at the action in our upcoming series. Sit back, grab a potato snack, and enjoy this preview of (cue Death Cab's "New Year")...

'Field:

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Scene: Tina and Lynda get ready for a party.

TINA: So I heard Brady's coming back from college for this party.
LYNDA: Yeah I heard that, too. Oh my god your skirt is so cute.
TINA: Don't you love it? I got it at (insert sponsor name).

(Cue Fallout Boy.)
City driving shot.
City shot.

Scene: The party.

TINA: Hey Brady, you're back. Happy Flag Day.
BRADY: Whatever.
TINA: What's up with you, Brady? Ever since you went to college it's like you don't even care about our Flag Day parties anymore.
BRADY: Things change.
TINA: Yeah. They do.

Brady leaves the party. (Cue "Boys of Summer" - the new version, obviously.)
City shot.
Beach shot.

Scene: Mike and Lynda walk a lonely beach.

MIKE: ....
LYNDA: ...
MIKE: ....
LYNDA: Wow. There's like no one here. Do you think this beach gets lonely?
MIKE: ...
LYNDA: ...
MIKE: (Chuckles)
LYNDA: (Smiles)

Lynda puts her head on Mike's shoulder. (Cue Avril Lavigne's "I'm With You.")
Wide beach shot.
Credits.

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I'm already sweating under the increased humidity of your salivation, but if you think that's good, wait until I put Sir Dan in charge of the music. Unlike me, he knows more than five modern songs (apparently ragtime isn't considered modern anymore? When did that happen?).

Oh, and if this production fails, you're just going to be stuck watching a live-action reprisal of farming sim game Harvest Moon, featuring hours of me standing in a garden with my Gamecube controller pressing "A" next to crops.

So please, donate your enthusiasm and loyalty generously. We promise we'll provide the angst, on the next...

'Field.

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