Analys Is (The Xtreme post)

I am oscillating right now between depression and elation. You will discover why in the following post.

Lissy65 has signed on. Hi, Lissy here. Thanks for joining us. I'm doing the minute-by-minute report for Harry's post tonight. He started off with two sentences, explaining his current state of mind. Let's see where he goes.

Bad news first I guess, or so my doctor suggests. Unfortunately, the good news after my check-up today was, "There's a KerPlunk marble in your liver." That was actually the bad news, too, but I'm glad I can finally start up my KerPlunk tournaments again. So-called friends had suggested I just buy normal marbles to replace the lost, but the roundness of Milton Bradley's balls really is irreplaceable.

To make my KerPlunk paragraph funnier, read it in the style of Woody Allen.

Lissy65: Harry's making a reference to KerPlunk. I think it's a game or something.

Anyway, I'm a bit depressed because of what I experienced viewing-wise tonight. At first I watched some decent baseball(which no one wants to read about); however, I then made the poor choice of watching Tom Green's internet show. This is no fault of Mr. Green, nor of the guests I tuned in to check out (G4's Kevin Perreira and Olivia Munn), but rather of some killjoy skater Tom let hang around. "Jeremy" seemed to forget that alternative sports personalities are supposed to be Xtreme. Instead he just whined and moaned about how much everything "sucks." Such action may be considered superlative, or "extreme," in a negative sense, but to be Xtreme with a capital X and missing E you have to do something like this:

1. Open up a MySpace account.
2. Post a picture of yourself dying your hair while getting a tattoo.
3. Put up a background with skulls on it.
4. Have a Sum 41 song play on the page. I'm pretty sure they're still hip.

Lissy65: I'm back. Harry's typing about Xtreme things now. I think he's trying to be funny.

I'm becoming more and more depressed as I post. I'm working on creating the MySpace profile detailed above, but the service bullied me into typing a 10-character verification code multiple times on account of unsatisfactory passwords. First I had no number; then the password was too similar to my name; then I didn't have enough letters. Eventually I just got totally Xtreme and typed "F***This1", which was accepted. But at what cost? I only achieved in proving that Jeremy's negative extremity really is Xtreme.

Lissy65: Harry just told a MySpace anecdote.
This is my last comment, as I am actually a bot created to satirize Emmy bloggers, and TV bloggers in general, who do nothing but restate exactly what they see. The Daily Show is never less funny than it is when rehashed on TVSquad. Inaneness realized. Program terminated.
Lissy65 has exploded.

And now I've reached the absolute pit of depression. I just requested that DeadCandy be my friend and she rejected me. She called me a poser and said she'd seen more Xtreme profiles on eHarmony.com. I can't take this. I need a friend fast to get me out of this night alive...




Yes! CompInstaller just accepted me. He seems like a really nice guy. He has two daughters (7 and 4). He administrates the network at a paper outlet in Nebraska (Go Cornhuskers!) And he's really thinking about purchasing an HDTV. F Xtremity. This is my kind of people. Finally, after a long night of nothing, I can relax in an aura of...

Elation.

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Edit: DeadCandy just accepted me and said she was totally kidding before. That rocks. Sorry CompInstaller, but I've got some videos of me smashing vending machines to upload.

XTREME