Becoming the Worst

I told Dave I'd take lots of pictures of me doing crazy, London things and post them here. I haven't.

I told Dave I'd head up to Barnsley to get him a soccer jersey. I haven't.

I told Dave I'd kill a hooker, wrap her in fish 'n chips, and send the package to each of his ex-girlfriends in turn.

In other words, I'm becoming the worst blogger I've ever been, including the time before blogs were invented. At least then I would express my ideas weekly on The McLaughlin Group. It's ironic that bloggers actually led to my firing from that show, after revealing my on-air "egg-sandwich connoisseur" persona was a falsity. You could honestly say that I left that job with egg on my face.

(Studio audience laughs)

This week's topic: Will we ever again be relevant?

One thing I have successfully done this week is inform a British girl about the American phenomenon of "Awful Waffles." She responded with one of those wry British looks which means, "You shouldn't be allowed in schools like this one." It's an interesting look that (at least this is the feeling I get) many foreign students seem to have acquired as well.

I also successfully dealt with my reclusion issues this week by joining a group of early Halloweeners called ETA. I wanted to be a part of something, and these guys all had masks on, so I figured I'd sign up. The guys are hilarious. They talk about how Barcelona should have its own country! Have you even ever heard of Barcelona?! Neither have I. I always kid them that when they do become independent they should hire a unicorn for president and a centaur for the president's mistress. Then they do this thing where they show how funny they think I am by cocking their rifles in unison. It's great stuff. Really cutting edge.

Or should I say firing edge?

(Studio audience yawns)

Is there an alternative rock band yet with the name Estimated Time of Arrival? There should be, just as you should be listening to The Silent Explosion's upcoming EP The Devil Rounds Down. "How," you ask, "can I listen to an upcoming EP?" We're talking about music, man.

There are no limits. Except for time.

Listen for that lyric/concept in Track 5.