Ducks Here

The numbers show that people much prefer posts on hot Star Trek women to origins tales about oranges (also known as "orange-in" tales). Because I want people to continue buying my products*, I'm going to talk about hot women again, kind of, except by women I mean video game characters with whom I've developed serious, personal relationships. That means that for this post only, my blog's name is officially changed from "Imaginary Lines" to "Imaginary Curves." Sexy.

* My products are dioramas. If you'd like me to craft one for you, comment below. My specialty is climactic scenes from Newberry award-winning novels.
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Hair - Have you ever touched girls' hair? I haven't, but when I was little I did order my brother to pull it off my sister's head and eat it. If I were ever to touch girls' hair, though, it would hopefully belong to Karen, from Harvest Moon 64.

The highlighted Japano-bangs are an odd feature to grasp, I admit, but they seem to beckon me in like two tentacles beckoning me into a pie feast that's being hosted by tentacles. Karen, the bartender and vineyard keepers' daughter, was one of my first loves, and I never really got over the fact that I couldn't figure out how to properly woo her until after I was married to the baker's daughter, Elle. Even after my son Brady was born, I would spend more time searching out Karen, her alcohol problems, and her eclectic hair than I would with my boring family.

Beckinsalianism - Have you ever touched Kate Beckinsale? I haven't, but when I was little I... etc. Bastila Shan, from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, is basically a really hot Jedi version of Kate Beckinsale.

If I worked for Maxim, I would make some double entendre here about Bastila's handling of light sabers, but I don't; I work for Stuff, so I'm instead gonna say how cummingly awesome it is that when you don't equip her with an outfit she has to fight the Sith in her underwear. It reminds me of when the same equip feature (or lack thereof... nice!) was true for the Amazonian members of my Drakkhen party, except that I was ten years old when I played that game, didn't really care about girls, and hadn't yet added cummingly to my vocab. I was a better person.

Face - I hear that when you talk to girls, you're supposed to look at their faces. When I muster up enough courage to do that, I'd like the girl I'm talking to to have the determined innocence of Sami from Advance Wars.

Why would I like this? Because determined innocence is one of the most difficult looks to pull off, and I need someone who can pull it off to star in my upcoming short film. It's about a girl who kills a man for his yogurt, eats the yogurt, realizes that the yogurt is expired and the man was actually on his way to throw it out, and then yearns to be like she was before the incident. And no, it's not one of those pretentious black-and-white films. I'm actually planning on oversaturating it with vivicolor.

No face - The prime chicken of this arbitrarily poultritarian category is no doubt the love interest from Feel the Magic.

By the way, I'm also looking for faceless girls to star in my unlicensed sequel to Hostel, which continues the story by focusing on that Asian girl who got her eye cut out and then killed herself. I hate that movie.

Duck - I guess this award (somehow my groupings have turned into awards?) goes to Pelly, the post office worker from Animal Crossing.

I chatted with her over coffee the other morning, and she seems like a pretty down-to-earth girl... which is surprising, considering she has wings! I reassured her that while my diet is poultritarian, it replaces duck with fish, the flightless birds of the sea.
(Note: Unfortunately for many of my friends, I couldn't secure the licensing rights to feature Daisy Duck, who is featured in games like Kingdom Hearts.)

Post-Apocalypic Potential - I've saved this most important characteristic for last, and to make the ending even more exciting, I'm going to mention 3 girls instead of 1! (one factorial). First up is Ada Wong, pictured here in Resident Evil 4.

Few women would venture into zombie-infested anarchies, but Ada would and does, all while wearing this spring's sleek red gown series.

Our second model is no stranger to the undead, either. It's Julie, from Zombies Ate My Neighbors.

Her fashion sense may be stuck in the 80s, but her common sense is focused on a future in which humans still survive.

And finally we have Starr, the head diva of the Elite Beat Agents.

How can a cheerleader help in the afterworld, you non-Heroes fans ask? Well, for one she could totally dominate some aliens by leading the rhythm through a jam-jivin' version of the Rolling Stones' "Jumpin' Jack Flash."

And for two, she's a lot like the rest of these girls and ducks who make me ignore the intense shame I should feel in loving animations. She's really hot.