GREETINGS, from the Editor

Hello, new friends! I'm the Editor, taking over for Harry while he's on "temporary" leave. Don't look for him in Africa. He's probably not there. Don't write to him in Africa, either. He definitely doesn't know how to read.

Greetings! Salutations! Noozles! I am a wonderful editor, and I know exactly what you, the consuming public, wants in a blog. You want information... Zap! We're gonna get that for you. You want opinions... Zap! We're gonna give them to you. You want money.... Huh? The zapper seems to have run out... Moving on!

You want animated gifs... Zap!

I didn't want to have to state this again so soon, but I am an incredible editor. I used the term "wonderful" in place of "incredible" before, but both describe me equally brilliantly. I know how to start blogs up. I know how to turn blogs around. Most importantly, I know how to turn your computer screen into cold, hard cash. But I'm not in it for the money. More on that later... Moving on!

The older the monitor, the morer the money.... Moving on!

I'm not at liberty to talk about Harry's brief dismissal, but let's leave it at this: Did you read his last post? We give him an opportunity to say goodbye, and he sends me a bunch of gibberish. Gibberish can be decent, our focus groups reveal, and we'll be sure to provide you with the statistically demanded proportion you desire; however, this gibberish was hogwash. Here at the Six Lines production company (formerly BlogCorp, until the name was snatched up by someone even less aware of its satirical character), we demand sense more than we demand cents. We do that because readers like to read things that make sense, and we need readers to make money. Not that money is at all important to us. Getting you to like us, in the way that you want to like a blog, is. You like pictures, right? Zap!

I'm shuffling papers now, as editors do. I'm wearing a visor, as editors do. I'm seeing a list on my desk, as editors sometimes do, when lists are put on their desks. I'm reading the note attached to the list: "The 42 greatest things in the world. Don't forget! Harry" What? How did this get on my desk? Should I get a new desk (this one's kind of out of place)? Whatever. I'm throwing worthless notes away, as editors do.

These cherished/moneyed readers requested a picture here. Their reason: "The words got too together." Thanks for the feedback!

Did I mention how much I, the wonderful editor, don't care about money? It's because I care about my daughter more. A lot more. If I care about money zero, then I care about my daughter like a million times more than that. She's got the same features as a young Dakota Fanning, but I doubt she'll have the same success. She'll probably be stuck in independent film. Or maybe she'll be a jaded assassin. The truth is, I really don't know if she'll even be born. She hasn't reached that age yet. Everything I do, though, I do for her. Whatever she wants to be, she can always fail and fall back into being the heiress of an incredible editor's fortune. That's what I'm all about. The money doesn't matter. My daughter does.

Regarding the actual nature of Six Lines productions, we will feature various experts writing on various subjects. That's not too unique, but that's what you want, and what you want is unique. Never before has a consuming public wanted to consume in the very same way that you do right now. Take comfort in that, and please continue enjoying our work and our advertisers' work. (Don't worry, Robinson family, a picture is coming soon.)

Can I leave you with something wonderful and incredible? This is a picture I have hanging over my desk. It motivates me a lot. That's why I put it over my desk - to show people how motivated I am. I see my employees looking at it, then I look at it, and then I look back at them. "That's right," I say. "That's what our job is all about. Here, have a paycheck. You've earned it."