Appeasement

As some of you know and others of you wish you knew, a couple of weeks ago I installed a so-called Statcounter on this page. Partly I wanted to see whether or not I could figure out html formatting, and mostly I wanted to see how many friends I have. Well , the results are in. The answers are "enough to follow simple html installation instructions" and "a few, but no girls."

The most fun I've had with this bit of software is seeing where in the world the IP hits come from (mostly Minnesota and Illinois, with a random few from wherever Matt Lauer is that day) and from what page they arrived to mine.

Which brings me to the policy of "appeasement."

Since the recent opening of the smash holiday classic In The Mix featuring the one and only Usher Raymond, I have been getting quite a few hits as the result of search engine queries for "Usher gay rumors." This phenomenon exists because, as you may recall, I once viciously assaulted (with words) a certain IMDB post concerning Usher's sexuality and religious arguments concerning sexuality that were unreasonably included therein. It was an assault that few had the courage to launch, especially in the manner that I did, which was the manner of not letting the IMDB post-er* I was attacking know that they were being attacked.

Needless to say, their silence echoed my victory.

But now I must appease the rumor millers, for they are a significant chunk of my audience. I must let them clonk around my webbery in their wooden shoes unhindered and unridiculed, knowing that I do not intend to burn their rumor mill down. Why would I burn the very mill that provides me with the grain of IP hits? From what would I make my daily bread of technology? Surely I cannot pray for my hunger to be filled, for I have ridiculed religion even more than I have ridiculed IMDB post-ers*. I must appease these gossip gobblers! Just as Churchill and FDR appeased Hitler! It is a policy that cannot fail.

So here you go, new friends. A rumor about Usher and his gayness:

"OMG I totally saw Usher at a coffee shop in SOHO this week and he had only one earring on and it was on his left ear! Doesn't that mean he's gay or something?!?!?!?!!?"

Enjoy! And as we media hounds say nowadays, "Spread the word. Not the bird. Flu."



*Post-er = someone who posts. Not to be confused with posters such as the large, glossy one of Celine Dion that got me through college finals. She will go wherever I go. And I know that our love will be true.
*Post-ers = The plural of post-er.