Chairs in the Corner

I don't really have any organized thoughts as I begin to type this, but I feel as if I should please my fans by posting something at least once every three days. I know how it feels to be a fan who's been forgotten. I've gone to Mark Twain's site every day for the past 12 weeks. He hasn't updated once.

Oh here's something I like. Newsweek has a little box where it lists about six people or things and says whether their stock is rising or falling. I like that I can read this section while eating Captain Crunch in the morning so I don't have to think too hard. I don't like that it demonstrates Newsweek's and other newszines' continual devolution into info-tainment. But I do like that President Bush was going down down down this week while Stephen Colbert was going up up up. Do I hear what I think I hear, Republicans? Oh yes. It's the Improv Actor Party making a serious move into the 2008 elections. Stephen Colbert and Ryan Stiles for president and vice president, respectively. Colin Mochrie can be the First Lady or something.

I just improv-ed that last line. Whoops! I'm revealing my partisan allegiance!

Anyway, with my thoughts still a bit jumbled, the rest of this post will be organized into my contribution to the devolution of news. Enjoy your cereal!

DOWN 5 points - Making out. I've always enjoyed making out (photographs count), but I can only imagine it getting grosser and more boring as I get older.

UP 3 points - Making out with someone who's half-person, half-octopus. I was going to give this 8 points because the 8 arms are sure to reinvigorate the whole making out process, but then I decided to cut that in half because of the weirdness factor and substract 1 more point for octopus slime.

UP 10 points - My imagination. I noticed that since I've been away, the television with the Atari that used to be in the back corner of my basement has been moved next to the television with the actual cable hook-up. And where the Atari television used to be is now a camping chair facing the corner. I don't even know where to start with what my imagination is thinking up for why the chair is facing the corner, so mayhaps I'll save that for a future post. Here's a preview:


UP 3 points - Topical conversation. With the Atari television now closer to the cable hooked-up television, I can more easily turn to the Atari television during cable commercials and say, "Isn't it amazing how far we've come since Atari with all these new game consoles coming out?"

DOWN magic points - Waking hours. I don't know if I can actually take away magic points from the times that I am awake because I never actually gave these times any points, but I guess that since the points are magic it doesn't really matter. My hope is that by knocking my waking hours down a few of these points that my dreaming hours will become even more magical.

UP magic points (if my hope is well-placed) - Fairy dust and beautiful gowns! Good night.