A Time to Post

The following was shouted at me the other day whilst I strolled my daily stroll down Bluemound Road:

"Oi! Brammer! Whut's the problem, mate? You think you can just go for a natter after the Blogulution Awards? Get back on the cross and get sumpin' done, ya tart!"

After some moderately intense dialect research, I discovered that the person who shouted at me was in fact a soccer fan from the Bristol area of England, and they were very displeased with my lack of posting. I accepted their insult (after my quick run to the library for the aforementioned research), apologized, and told them that if they wanted to soothe their displeasement they should head over to the Sbarro at Brookfield Square.

"Oi! Fuck off!"

And then they left.

I raced home, my daily stroll forgotten as tears streamed down my face. Curse my blogging sloth! As I ran, I felt nothing of the pleasantness that Bluemound Road and it's every-chain-store-possible-on-one-stretch-of-road vista usually inspires in me. I felt only shame, regret, and a need for reconciliation.

But as I logged onto my webbery, I realized that something was horribly wrong. Blogspot told me that my account had expired 10 years ago... in 2035!!!

What?! Confusion! Science Fiction!

I had to figure out what was going on, so I virtually raced over to my friends' webberies. Here is what I found:

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Life After 208 - Dec. 28, 2005

The Blogulution Awards were rawesome! Seriously, great times had by all. Check out these red carpet pics:

Metzger dared to go pink in December... and it worked!

Note to Dave: You're not black!

Oh, and last night's Gilmore Girls was rawesome and hottt with three "t"s!

Chris and Qualler's Pop Culture Blogulator - Mar. 14, 2014

Alright, so we were pretty wrong about Peter Jackson not being the greatest director ever. His newest King Kong movie is a true testament to the dichotomous exploration of technology versus emotion. The plot is stellar, launching King Kong into a world of blogs, in which his only chance of saving the girl is the slim possibility that he'll comment on the right blog on the right post... at the right time! Genius!

Arun in Brooklyn - June. 17, 2028

wandering through central park...just as the asteroid hit...was beautiful and horrible, in the same way as The Constantines latest album...my students continue to struggle with the new approach to logarithms...if only I could get them the proper textbooks, but the wall into Jersey is too heavily guarded right now by soldiers of the Newark Resistance Front...

love...peace...

Life of a Hero - October 9, 2031

I saved 14 more people today. That brings the total to somewhere around 13,000 since this blog was started back in February '06. I'm pretty good at this. If only I were good enough to figure out what happened to Harry, though. Once in a long while I think I see a translucent, white figure that resembles him walking up and down Bluemound late at night. I'm probably just drunk on heroism when this happens, but I swear it looks like him.

Spanish Turtle - January 5, 2045

It's been more than 40 years now since Maria and I brought Ernie the dog home. Not once have I reconsidered. Nor have I reconsidered that surgery I paid for that fused Maria and Ernie into one dog/human creature. I love it so much, both as a dog and a person!

Oh, and Gilmore Girls Junior was rawesome!

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So much of the future has already happened!

?!?!??!!?!?!?

Now I look at the calendar and see that it actually is only 2006. I hallucinated the rest of that stuff.

(I publish this post and walk away from the computer, not noticing the slip of paper that falls from my pocket. It's a receipt from the Einstein Brothers bagelry on Bluemound Road for a spaceberry bagel... dated December 14, 2030.)